Mother’s Day is coming up! You knew that, right? What are you doing for your mother? You should really go organize her closet. And then ask her for $20. Congratulations, you’ve reenacted my Mother’s Day Tradition Grades 3-12.
In Beckarootie’s honor, here’s a Mama Faux Pasta (MaFoPa, the hottest neighborhood in NYC) classic recipe - prosciutto-wrapped asparagus with a side of tangerine mayonnaise. She’s been making this for dinner guests since 1985, and asparagus will break any ice with a stinky pee joke. We made it a few weekends ago for my dad’s Colombian friend Joaquim, who was highly impressed by my blondies.
Blanch your asparagus and chives in boiling water for a few minutes until tender, dunk in an ice bath. Pat them dry with paper towels and arrange in stacks of 3. Roll those puppies up like pigs in a blanket, but I guess a more accurate description would be “trees in a pig” like a wiley boar chomping redwoods all night long. Tie it with a blanched chive and snip off the ends like you’re role-playing SuperCuts. Make a mayonnaise in the blender - hell, just Google it! I’ve explained it a million times! What do you think this is, a food blog? And throw a little tangerine zest and the juice of half a tangerine in. Dip a trees-in-a-pig in the mayo and call your mom.